Where hope and heartbreak meet

Local bereaved parents group remembers, advocates for lost children

Crystal R. Albers
Posted 7/25/18

It’s the club no one wants to join.

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Where hope and heartbreak meet

Local bereaved parents group remembers, advocates for lost children

Posted

GOSHEN COUNTY – It’s the club no one wants to join. But Peace of My Heart Bereaved Parents Support Group needs others to know they are here – working to help, hope, and heal – one day at a time.

July is National Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. The local support group formed approximately one month ago and has met six or seven times. At meetings, mothers – although fathers and other family members are invited to attend, as well – remember their children and discuss their loss.

Jenny Marsden-Garcia’s daughter, Izabella Nicole, passed away in October 2017 at just 27 days old. The unimaginable loss inspired Marsden-Garcia to begin organizing a group for bereaved parents in the area.

“I want everyone to feel comfortable,” she said.

Some members lost their children decades ago, others’ heartbreak is more recent. Some were grown adults, and others not even born; medical issues, accidents – no matter the circumstances, members said they all continue to experience immeasurable pain, and unending love, for their children. 

“My son (Salem Ethan Holtz) died at three years old from a rare genetic disorder,” Lataizia Bechtel said. “Psychology says you are not psychologically built to withstand the loss of a child. We’re supposed to outlive our parents, but when someone your age or younger dies … I just got my feet knocked right out from under me.”

“My son was a self-proclaimed ‘Momma’s Boy’ and I loved it,” Cindy Scheer, mother of Jimmy, who died in 2001, said. “He loved his sisters so very much. Family was very important to Jimmy and we often traveled to North Dakota to visit our extended family. Jimmy enjoyed sports of all kinds and made us proud of his high school accomplishments.

“I am impressed that every year on June 20 we still have a group of friends come to celebrate and remember Jimmy and Kolten,” she added. “Knowing other people are remembering our children is so important to us. Please continue to talk to us about them it makes us feel better. The Bereaved Parents Support Group is very important because we can speak freely of our angels and hopefully help each other grieve and heal.”

“Mekenna was a beautiful, very photogenic woman,” JoAnn Robbins, whose daughter, Mekenna (Kenna) JoAnn Manley Gutierrez, died at age 26 due to complications from surgery, said. “She was a wife and mother of two children, Taylor and Grayson. Mekenna suffered from bipolar disorder and struggled with taking her medication. Once she realized how the medication would help her, she flourished into a beautiful woman. Becoming a wife and mother was the happiest time in Mekenna’s life. Mekenna had a big heart and was always willing to help other people when they needed something. She loved the holidays and playing games, because doing those things meant being with family and laughing; good, deep belly laughs that would last for hours. I miss Mekenna, our family misses Mekenna so much. One joy I can find amid this pain, is being able to spend time with Taylor and Grayson because I love them, and I get to see a part of Mekenna live on through them. My faith and testimony that I will be with Mekenna again makes each day without her here a little more bearable. 

“We still celebrate Mekenna’s birthday by going to the cemetery and singing ‘Happy Birthday’ and having a birthday treat,” Robbins continued. “Also, on her Angelversary of March 8th, we do something fun to make a good memory instead of spending the day being sad and remembering the details of that horrible day four years and four months ago. I feel it is important for everyone to tell people you love, that you do love them because you never know when the last time will be that you see them. 

“This ‘club’ of bereaved parents is something I never thought I would be a part of and didn’t ask to join. The price you pay to join is way too high.”

“Geremy was labeled as ‘special needs’ but he was so much more than that,” his mother, Ginger Barthel, said. Geremy was 23 when he died from complications of cerebral palsy in February 2016. “He was born eight weeks premature and was diagnosed with cerebral palsy before his first birthday, which affected his walking, talking, learning, and daily life skills. From infancy he went to physical, occupational, and speech therapy. He never mastered walking, but the speech therapy worked great. Once he started talking he never stopped – never. Our family spent a lot of time at the Children’s Hospital in Denver (Colo.), but surprisingly, he loved it there. It was his ‘vacation’ spot.”

“Geremy had a special connection with people of all ages,” Barthel continued. “He did not know a stranger. He didn’t just meet you, he touched you in his special way. He was kind-hearted, spirited and brave; he loved to laugh and was very witty. He loved ‘old’ music like Lawrence Welk, Christmas music, and old Gospel music. His favorite song was ‘Amazing Grace’ and he knew every verse word for word. We often said he was a young man with an old soul. He loved baseball caps and neckties – and had quite a collection,” Barthel said. “Geremy was a ray of sunshine with a big smile. Even with all his struggles, he was happy. He loved life. He was a special young man who touched so many lives. Our hearts are forever broken. We miss him so, so much.”

Other members also find healing in advocating for causes related to their child’s death.

“My 18-year-old son, Johrdan Jaymes Stone, was killed on June 20, 2011 by an underage drunk driver,” Stephanie Anderson said. “He is deeply missed and is remembered by his family and friends as a talented, sweet, funny, compassionate person. Not a single day passes for me without thoughts of him and a longing to hold him. Without wondering what his life would have been like had it not been cut short by the act of another person’s selfishness. A decision that has left his (our) family and others who loved him serving a life sentence with no relief (from) our grief. Drunk/impaired driving is a choice and 100 percent avoidable. Do not drive impaired or ride with an impaired driver, it is not worth the risk to yourself and others.”

Lorna-lou Smith lost her daughter, Donna-May Luana Barrett Smith, in a car accident in 2008, and has since devoted herself to promoting the use of seatbelts.

“One of Donna-May’s favorite sayings was ‘Live, laugh, love’,” Smith said. “Donna-May lived, laughed and loved whole-heartedly in her short life. For those of us who love her and are left behind missing her physical being, we feel her essence in living more, laughing much and loving with all of our hearts. Please always remember to buckle up – blessings.”

The group has secured a regular meeting place and is currently working to set up a schedule. Reach out to any member or via the Peace Of My Heart Bereaved Parents Support Group Facebook page for more information.

“When a child dies, no matter their age, it is horrific and affects so many parents and families everywhere,” Barthel said. “Until you are one of them, you don’t really understand. But when it happens to you … all of a sudden it becomes all too real. It breaks my heart when you think of how many parents this has affected in a small community like ours. I think we are all glad that Jenny had the vision to create this group.”